Soooo… it’s been a while.

Hi there!  How are you all?  Well!  It has been a while since my last post and many changes have taken place!  I will try to remember them all.

Firstly, I am winning my battle with depression!  I am on a dosage now that is working well for me and I feel in control of my life (that happy illusion that we subsribe to that we actually have any control over it at all!).  I feel like things are finally turning around and I am steering my lovely little family into calmer waters.

We have moved!  We have moved an hour away from our old home which has been very bittersweet.  Firstly, I didn’t want to leave.  Secondly, I didn’t want to stay.  Therein lay the conundrum!  I LOVED the kid’s school, the friends we all had made and the school community.  I love my city.  I enjoyed living amongst so much variety as well as the general pulse of the city in general.  BUT I had no support and was feeling the crushing weight of responsibility suffocating me as I felt myself failing at even the most basic of tasks.  So many people kept telling me what I great job I was doing and to cut myself some slack.  But I was so paralysed by stress and unhappiness with my situation that I couldn’t listen – when you find yourself breaking the budget to buy tuckshop every day because you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed in the morning to make lunches that won’t be eaten, you know that something has to change!

One day in March my two little terrors broke into the medicine cabinet and stole a near full bottle of panadol.  Other kids, this wouldn’t have been a big issue.  But with the female incarnation of Merlin residing in my home it was a massive problem!  The little magician separated the white part of the childproof lid from the clear part making it simple to open the bottle and share it with her brother.  I got out of bed, found the empty bottle and promptly started our usual “off to the hospital” ritual, we had only been there a week before to rule out a broken bone.  We were swiftly moved to a room in the Children’s Emergency Department for monitoring and a 4 hour weight to check bloods and kidney function amongst queries of “how did they get the lid off?” and exclamations of “I have never hear of that being done before!”.  I must have looked a bit of a state despite my calm and quiet demeanor as I was asked a few times if I was ok and someone took it upon themselves to send a social worker to visit us.  She spent a good hour plus with me as I talked and answered all her questions.  She suggested to me that I move closer to my parents as they are my main support – something that both my children’s psychologists and occupational therapists had been suggesting to me also but I had so far resisted.  The social worker was exhausted after spending time with us and actually said “I am exhausted after an hour in here, no wonder you feel like you are falling apart after years of doing this on your own”.

So, I finally took everyone’s advice and started looking for a place to live.  After 3 months of looking, we moved into a lovely unit 2 weeks ago just before school holidays started.  This will be the third week off school for my guys and they are starting to drive me a little batty – but only a little, which is a massive improvement!  I am almost completely unpacked and we all agree that we love our new home and are much happier here already.  We have had dinner with my parents several times and they have taken the kids overnight once too!  It was definitely a great move for us and I am so glad that we have done it.

My little man started Prep this year and it has been just wonderful for him.  He loves the structure of school life and learning new things every day.  He was very sad to leave his teachers and they were sad to lose such a “delightful child” who “brings joy” to their day.  Whilst he was excellent at school, he would fairly lose the plot at home!  Thanks to Kmart I got him a $5 inflatable punching bag and whatever negative energy he needed to get out he would expend on the punching bag – he now wants to start boxing! lol.  My little man is very interested in excercise and going to the gym.  We would go to the free gym in the park near our old home and this is one of the things he misses the most about our new place, so I have promised to look for a new outdoor gym for us to frequent 😀  He tried Tai Kwan Do earlier in the year but decided not to pursue it further as he spent a whole lesson there and didn’t get to kick or hit anyone! lol So he has decided he would rather do swimming lessons instead.  Now that we live closer to the beach I think we might consider getting him into Nippers next year 😀

My little lady started grade 1 this year and it has been eventful!  She had a day where she tried to run away from school (my greatest fear!), but after the initial hurdles she settled into the rigidity of her school day nicely.  Unfortunately though, not long before our move, one of her friends lost his mother in an accident.  This made an already emotional time even more intense as my poor baby girl became terrified of losing me.  Thankfully we overcame that hurdle and the result is that my darling girl seems to appreciate me more, which is a truly beautiful gift to have come out of such a tragedy.  For the past 2 days my gorgeous girl has made me breakfast in bed just to show me how much she loves me and appreciates everything I do for them both ❤  Although, yesterday she also made me morning tea which consisted of wilted celery (that had frozen in the fridge) with peanut butter to dip and a rice cake sandwich of mayonnaise and grapes.  I am ashamed to say I couldn’t eat it.  I felt bad for my baby girl because she was so proud of herself!  So I left it on my bedside table and thoughtfully disposed of it after she had gone to bed last night so as not to hurt her feelings or discourage her from such acts in the future.

We were lucky enough to go on a mini holiday with my parents a couple of months ago and had the very great pleasure of catching up with a bunch of family that I haven’t spent much time with in years!  So spending a long weekend with them was a blessing that I hope to repeat later in the year!  Speaking of which, I need to organise that! 😀  Also on the subject of holidays, one of my best friends has insisted I research cruises for us!  She is fed up with hearing about my cruise last year and is determined that we need to go off and have a lovely cruising adventure together – I cannot wait!!!  I am so thankful for this lovely lady, I don’t know how I would have made it through the last year without her ❤

On a sad note though, I think I may have lost my best friend in the world.  Over the past 12 months things have been excessively difficult for both of us and I have changed so much that I am not sure that our friendship will survive what we are both throwing at it.  After almost 20 years it is very sad for this relationship that I have always held so dear feel like it is turning to water, slipping through my fingers and disappearing, and no amount of effort on my part seems to be able to stop it.  The pain that I feel over this slow, painful death has been excruciatingly difficult to bear and I feel like I won’t ever recover from it.  Getting up and living my life every day whilst feeling like that day is taking me one step closer to a life without my bestie in it is the kind of torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and it makes achieving happiness very difficult indeed.

But that is what I am striving for.  Happiness.  Simple.  Complicated.  Difficult.  But I am making progress.  3 times in the last 2 weeks I have felt truly happy.  2 mornings I got up, had a lovely hot shower and put my flannel pj’s on to go and make breakfast and I thought “I love me life”.  Now if that isn’t happiness then I don’t know what is!

xoxo

Hello there!

Hello there!  Welcome!  How is 2016 treating you all?  I hope this finds you happy and healthy (or at least on the road to both).

Well, 2016 has gone off with a bang for Trio.  The first big thing is that Gorgeous Girl has started Prep, which is what we spent all of 2015 and part of 2014 working towards.  GG is at a mainstream school and we are just in love with it.  They have made everything sooooooooo easy!  GG is doing amazingly well and she is such a delight to be around.  School has been one of the best things that has ever happened to her.  So a big woohoo there!  But she has realised more so than at Kindy that she is different to the other kids.  She talks to me about it, which is great, and we discuss the differences between us and we talk about the similarities.  We talk about her friends and the differences between them all as well as the similarities.  ASD has been a part of my usual vocabulary since GG was 2 1/2 when the Paediatrician first suggested that she was on the Spectrum.  Both kids understand that they have a diagnosis and that it just means that their brains work differently.  We even Googled brains a few nights ago (at the request of Beautiful Boy) and found some pretty cool pictures that illustrated the differences between ASD brains and neurocommon brains.  We found one, below, that showed the different parts of the brain and identified what it controlled, so we were able to identify challenges that each child has and pinpoint the part of the brain that controls that part, we also identified their gifts and found the area of the brain that is responsible for that too.  It was a pretty interesting discussion.

Brain pic

The second big thing is that my amazingly wonderful and generous sister is sending me on a holiday ALL BY MYSELF!  I am so burnt out that I can’t even muster the energy to get too excited about it yet – although I am getting joy out of saying that I am going on holidays next month 🙂  I am on a (seemingly never ending) mission to find a way to clean, organise and declutter my home (that’s a whole other post right there) with the kids in the house.  An example of that challenge:  Yesterday, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner and BB sneaked a roll of toilet paper past me and toilet papered the lounge room and the siblings bedroom!  That was a new one for us…  So I have my own personal goals to pursue this year as well as the kids goals, but with GG doing so well things are looking up in many areas 😀

BB on the other hand…  There has been somewhat of a role reversal between the siblings this year as BB use to be the easy going, helpful, compliant one with GG being the more high maintenance of the two, but that is absolutely not the case this year!  The best part (sarcasm alert) is that GG never behaved in this way, so I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of my depth here and totally swimming blind whilst running on empty.  BB will be starting Prep next year, so hopefully things will start to run smoother then 😮  So big things are going to be happening this year with BB in order to help him get ready to start Prep AND there is something big approaching on the therapy front which I am really excited about.

The big things happening with BB is partially what has inspired this blog.  The kids Occupational Therapist (henceforth referred to as ‘The OT’) advised me to start a journal of all the things that arose throughout the day and reflect on what worked, what didn’t, how to implement long term measures to address the issue etc.  I immediately went out to buy myself a pretty notebook to inspire myself to sit down and write in it every night after the siblings had headed to bed.  But as I browsed finding absolutely nothing that grabbed me, I realised that I don’t write!  I don’t do paper!  I am a digital gal!  I. Type.  So I decided to set up a journal template on my laptop to make it nice and easy to make entries.  Then I thought a little more and realised I may as well bite the bullet and just start the blog that people have been suggesting I start.  I talk ASD/Parenting all the time on my personal Facebook page posting ASD memes and articles (more so now for Autism Awareness Month), eliciting suggestions from my friends that I start a blog.

So, here it is.  My blog.  I know there are probably many, many blogs out there from mum’s with children on the Spectrum.  But hey, what’s one more to add to the plethora?