Post Holiday Blues

Hello my lovelies!  I hope this post finds you all doing well.

My apologies for the long absence, I have been on holiday!  A much needed, well deserved holiday!  It was unbelievably wonderful!  Not having to do anything I didn’t want to do, not having to look after anyone but myself and not having to play therapist 24/7 for the most wonderful little people on the planet.  It was absolutely wonderful.

The day before I was to return home I was sooooooooo excited!  I couldn’t wait to come home and see all the people I love the most.  Just before my birthday too.  But on the day I was to come home it all started to go downhill.

First challenge was easily solved, I had a butt-load of extra baggage and my flight had only been booked with 20kg checked and 7kg carry on when I had significantly more than that.  Thankfully my transfer had gotten me to the airport 3 hours before my flight so I was still able to add extra luggage online which cost me $25.50, which was reasonable – I found out an hour later when I checked in that had I NOT done that it would have cost me well over $200!  So challenge easily overcome there.

Then I had to make a mad dash for the toilet because my period decided to arrive 7 days early in the middle of the airport 😮  I was not at all prepared for that scenario, but thankfully the bathrooms in the airport very much are!  So another challenge easily conquered with minimal fuss.

Then as I am in line to board the flight, eagerly looking forward to coming home (despite my hormones doing their best to disrupt my joy) I get a message from the bestie letting me know they had to cancel my birthday lunch the next day.  I was unreasonably (thank you hormones) upset about this and as a result quietly cried for about an hour and a half on board the flight making the non-English speaking older Japanese gentleman beside me quite uncomfortable I believe…  I finally get home and BB announces that he would much rather I go away so that Grandma can stay instead.  He proceeded to tell his dad on the phone that night that I was basically a horrible mum who is always mean to him and he wished I hadn’t come home because he loves Grandma more…

GG on the other hand said she missed me when I was on holidays but wishes her dad was here instead.  I admit I took a guilty comfort in the fact that she refused to speak with her dad on the phone that night (bad mum! lol).  She also came down with a bout of gastro that night and ended up vomiting no less than 12 times, once was even on me while I slept.

It was a hell of a welcome home.  I felt rejected by the 3 people I love the most in the world and I had woken up covered in vomit (something that didn’t even happen to me while I was on holiday!).  So the blues really set in the first night home and I have been struggling with them ever since.

Today is my 34th birthday.  It’s not a big one, it’s not a big deal.  But my beautiful sister and my bestie insisted I do something to mark the occasion.  So I went out to the park with my sister and the kids, then we all had a late lunch.  It was simple but lovely.

I made sure to grab a bottle of my favourite preservative free Shiraz (that’s a story for another day) on the way home and am thoroughly enjoying it!

I think the worst part of the day though is right now.  It’s very lonely being a single parent on significant days.  Here I sit alone on my patio, rugged up against the wind, with a glass of wine and my laptop for company.  I gotta say, when I was younger and imagined my life, I didn’t think that I would be here at this point.  I never imagined that I would be living the life of a single parent of special needs children, spending significant days with my closest friend – technology.  After I put my kids to bed I think I will drink for a while and then cry myself to sleep.

This has been a fairly gloomy post, I admit that, but I have no doubt that I will be significantly more positive when I write again.  I think I’m allowed to be a little sad and gloomy on my birthday.

its-my-party-and-ill-cry-if-i-want-to-2.

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